This is me: Karolina Kudlacz-Gloc

THIS IS ME: Karolina Kudlacz-Gloc

My start in handball was not that spectacular. I started because I didn’t have other options in sports, but I loved it from the beginning. I was only 10 but I felt it was something important in my life. It felt like that then and it feels like that now, almost 30 years later. I have no thoughts of stopping and I continue this way that feels natural to me — playing handball.

I was born in a small city in Poland, Wąbrzeźno, where there was not that much opportunity to play sports. As a small child, I was really active. But in this small city, it was only handball I could do. After the first training, I was at the second. I never missed one after that.

In the second class, when I was eight, there were some school competitions and I did the long jump. I won against people who were 12. So, I was good at sports from the beginning. I always felt good about it and knew it was in me even as a child.

The funny thing is no one from my family had anything to do with sports, so I started this for myself and I was never pushed by anyone — because my mum, my dad, or someone else from the family did it. It was not the case in my life. I have a bigger sister but she didn’t get into sport.

From the beginning, I knew I wanted to be serious about handball. I’m always the person who, if I start something, then it is important in my life, whether it’s study or handball. Maybe it’s funny to hear, because I was 10, but I always do things with all of me and with 100 per cent, and I did that even then. It was not, say, after four years, I know now I want to do this. No. When I was in the first training, I knew. After that, the biggest punishment for me was not to go to training.

Of course, the professional path started a few years later, when my family moved from Wąbrzeźno. This was decided because of me and I'm so thankful to my parents, that they did the steps with me. They left their whole lives in Wąbrzeźno. We moved to Slupsk, a bigger city, where the best young team was. My parents bought a new apartment there and found new jobs. My sister is seven years older and she was, at this time, in another city to study.

This was also a big step for me to have a professional handball career, because I knew my parents did this for me, so I also wanted to give a little bit back. I wanted them to be happy and for them to also find themselves in this new area we were living in.

We spent two years in Slupsk, where we played in the second division, and that was the first time I earned money — some small money to live. Then, after these two years, I started to play with the women's team in Gdansk. My parents also moved from Slupsk to Gdansk with me. They are really happy now because they love living in Gdansk.

All of this felt right to me. I knew it was right because of my love for sport from the beginning and then the day I started to play handball, I was one of the best players there. During this time, I never had the question of whether I wanted to do this.

Moving to Leipzig, my first foreign team, the process started one or two years before. I received the proposal from Morten Arvidsson to join his team in Denmark. He was a coach there before he came to Leipzig. I didn't go because I started to study at a university in Gdansk and I wanted to do the first year there. That was very important for me and also my parents. They said it was so important that I studied. “You never know how your career will go.” They gave me this information and I heard it and I also put all of myself into doing this. That's why I said not yet. I'm not ready to go.

I studied for two years in university and then again Morten Arvidsson called me and said, now I'm going to Leipzig. "I would like you to be on my team." At this point I was thinking, I know the German language OK. All through school I was in German class, so we had a lot of German lessons. I thought I could play handball at a high level and also study there. Leipzig had the opportunity to study psychology at the university. Also, my sister lived in Berlin at that time. She was the first one who moved to Germany, so almost everything was close.

I went to meet Martin and the sports director of Leipzig. This was a big step in my life, really. I was 20 years old moving there, but it was good. Studying was the most important at this time for me — it’s why I was moving to Leipzig.

In choosing my study, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at 18, or 19 years old. I only started psychology because I knew that at the university in Gdansk, getting a place in psychology was the most challenging. I think there were 20 people for one place so I said I will try. I will challenge myself. I always challenge myself. So that’s why I did psychology.

I cannot say I was that happy. I started my study with two years in Gdansk. Then I moved to Leipzig and of course, the first year, I needed to learn German to the level that I could study. And with handball, it was challenging. While I was studying, I was only living from exam to exam to finish as fast as possible because I knew that first in my life was handball. Still handball; was handball. There were many times when I changed my clothes in the car going from university to training or had to rush between the two. So, I missed the normal study life.

I would like to experience this in another way, like normal students, to have time for everything — to have time for meetings, to have time for speaking with the students. I didn’t have this normal study life. This is the other part of the story. I don’t know the normal life now, at almost 40, because I never had it before. But I was of course happy that I finished my studies and also in another language.

My husband also comes from Gdansk. He's an economist. When we got married, he left his work in Poland — good work — to come to Germany. He couldn't speak German and it wasn't that easy for him. He also started to build his life in Germany from zero.

After university, I had some practical experience with psychology, but I got pregnant and stopped any of this work and I haven't had the time since. I know how much I had to give to handball. How much regeneration and also with my age and my son and my marriage — everything was too much.

Has studying psychology helped in my career or me, personally? I can see both sides of this. For sure, it helped me a lot. But in the beginning, it felt like I knew a little bit too much about people. I think it's sometimes easier not to know some mechanisms, how they work, because at the time, I was not that developed as a person to use it for my side.

Now of course, with the experience and everything I've lived, it helped. Now I'm really happy to know everything and I use it a lot. I look at many situations that I think some people don't look at, and I see a lot in the people I meet. I think I have the possibility that I can know the people I want to meet again and be around. And I can see earlier who I don't want around because they don't have the energy I would like to be near me. 

Now, a lot of players have taken time off for mental health reasons. I have to say this is really brave of the players, because I never thought about doing this. Of course, many aspects are important in this regard. Which culture you come from, what kind of education you have, and a lot of things, because I think in my culture you couldn't do this. It would be strange. Now the younger players are educated in other ways.

They have the confidence to say it, to take it. They have a lot of confidence to do this not only against other people, but also against themselves. This also shows how far they are with their own thinking, to be able to say it, so I respect this a lot. I also had difficult parts of my career when I could have taken time off for mental health. But I never heard about this before, because maybe I didn't get it from my childhood.

I was pregnant at the end of my time in Leipzig. Unfortunately, the club had financial problems at the time. I thought I would never move from there. Every year I had a big chance to change clubs, and I always had a lot of opportunities to earn more money and this kind of thing, but I was never that person for whom money and finance are the most important. Maybe in a few years I will say I was stupid. It could be. But for me it was always more important where I am or how it is in my life, and what I have there.

From the beginning, the most important thing was to finish my studies. After I had an injury with my Achilles heel and I decided to stay in the area I knew I wanted to be back on the court again. Also, after that, we got married and my husband moved to be with me. I thought it would be easier to build our new life in the place I know. Maybe I missed a little bit of the chance to change myself earlier, but maybe I was not that far with my development as a person to do this.

So, I thought I would never move from Leipzig, but they had financial problems and the club was broken. It wasn't easy for me because I knew I wanted to play handball after I had my child. And I also knew that I had the possibility to have help from my family, so I could continue at this level — because at the highest level, having a child is really difficult.

Bietigheim called during my pregnancy. No matter whether I have children or how it's going, they wanted to have me on the team in the future and I took this opportunity. Also because Bietigheim was the best team in Germany. I thought that with my family — my husband and my little son, I would like to stay in Germany because I know everything and changing countries at that point would be difficult.

I was really grateful to Bietigheim because they took me as such an unknown. You never know how the players will be after having a child — if they will go to the same level of playing handball or they will still give 100 per cent because, of course, some priorities in their lives change. So, I was really grateful to Bietigheim and I wanted to give them back for everything they gave me before I even arrived there. That's maybe why I was so fast back on the court.

I started training with the team after three weeks. In Germany, you have to have a six-week break. But after six weeks I was on the court again.

Physically, I didn't see any changes — maybe because the whole time I was pregnant I was active. I trained right up until I gave birth. I was running the day before. I think it was Saturday morning that I went for a little jog to the bakery to buy some bread, and then from Saturday to Sunday, it started.

So I was active, but the birth was terrible. After, physically, I felt really good and I was really fast back on my level. Mentally, of course, a lot has changed.

I also played a bit differently than I had until this point. I was looking for the others more. From this time on, my ego was less. As a young player, there is only the goal and you only want to have the ball and you only want to score. This is the biggest difference. Also in my life, I look even more for other people.

My husband has been so important in handling my career while having our son. My husband and also my mother, who comes a lot from Gdansk to Bietigheim. When my son was one until two years old, my husband took the “daddy time” in the first year, because I was back to normal on the court after five or six weeks.

When my husband started to work again, my mother was almost living with us. Only going for short periods to Gdansk, because I needed someone I could trust. Every time, I knew that my mum would do this, would like to do this, and I could concentrate again on handball 100 per cent. Now it's easier because my son goes to school. But the first three years were very, very hard.

During championships, I could take my son with me, but I decided not to do this. I knew that my concentration would not be 100 per cent because I would know that someone was waiting for me in the room or the hotel. And also when my mum and my husband will be there, I will not be 100 per cent for handball.

If I could have this opportunity to have him with me, I always said, no, he stays with his dad and with my mum and I was, of course, sure that he would get the best care ever. And it was hard, because I couldn't see him and I let go of so many tears, many, many times. But I know that if I'm at a tournament, then I want to only think about the tournament, the games, the recovery and everything else.

The national team is not an easy topic for me. Three years have passed since I stopped now, although it was not my own decision. I wish it ended another way because I know how important the national team was for me and how much I gave to my country and how much I wanted to give. I also enjoyed it so much. I was going no matter what, because I never thought about myself, only about the team.

For me, the national team was always something special. A place for my country. And this is broken in some ways. But it's like this and you never have everything you want. So, I also had to manage this situation and now of course I know it's good for me because I'm almost 40 years old and I play at the highest level again in the EHF Champions League and the German League.

Of course, physically, I cannot lie that I'm a young player. I'm not. I know how much I have to give now for the recovery. I also have time to recover when it's national team time, and to spend time with my family, so from this perspective, now I'm happy.

My age has gone with me all the time in the last few years because I broke some stereotypes. I'm really happy about this, that I broke some stereotypes about being an older player. Every year I get so many questions and “we will not take her because she's so old.” I was with only two clubs, so I hope it shows a lot that the people who know me as a player don't want to let me go.

I'm older, but I'm still good and I still work like a young player. I spoke with Bietigheim and we made some new contracts. Where I am now, I don't see any arguments to stop. I enjoy my playing time. I love this game. And I still can train at this level — hard training.

Perhaps most importantly, my mentality is still good and I love to go to training every day. I think this is the most important thing — not only to play the games. But if you are going to training thinking “I have to go now again,” then you have to ask yourself if you still want to do this. But I didn't feel like that. I want to make small details better. I still have so many things to make better. This is something that gives me the energy and motivation to play.

If my physique is not that good, then I will also not play that well. If I don't want to play well, then I would be sad and I don't want to do something that would make me sad. But everything can happen in maybe one week, maybe one month, maybe two months. You never know what's coming. I think life always brings something new to challenge you, and this will be the decisive point.

Now I will play in the EHF Champions League quarter-finals for the first time. That's amazing. How far I came as a handball player in the last year — I improved a lot in my thinking and also to play against the best. Before, I was a bit scared to play against them, and now I only wait to play against the best, and maybe against those who are better than we are. We will not be the favourites against Odense, of course. But it's so much fun to challenge myself as a player, to challenge ourselves as a team. This is the big thing. I'm really happy and we'll see what happens.

Karolina Kudlacz-Gloc
April 2024